


The First Stages Of Learning How To Love

by faustrinus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drarry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:35:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26656729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faustrinus/pseuds/faustrinus
Summary: When Harry gets to Hogwarts after the war, he notices a feeling he didn't have before. Now he's struggling with the fact that it seems he's in love with Draco Malfoy and he doesn't know how to love someone the correct way.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Kudos: 82





	The First Stages Of Learning How To Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! you can follow me on Instagram at @faustrinus! I post my fics there too. I'm not fluent in English, so I'm sorry if this isn't the best.

Harry had been fidgeting with a weird toy Ron had received from Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes as a gift after he helped George with the store for a whole month, it was small and shiny and since nobody had any idea what it did, Harry got to keep it, it helped him with his nervousness. But, how could the boy who lived be nervous? After facing deathly experiences so many times?

Well, the thing is; it was another kind of nervousness.

It was the wave of shame that hits someone when they notice their crush is staring back at them, or the tension when they are sitting really close and their thighs touch with each other. When someone says something funny and that person laughs big and loudly, and the poor unfortunate soul that's in love with them can't help but wish that smile was for them and only them. Yes, that kind of nervousness.

And the damn butterflies came again when he spotted him entering the Great Hall.

Fuck Draco Malfoy and his perfect hair, beautiful features and elegant moves. 

“Harry?” Hermione called his attention, it seemed like she had been speaking for the last few minutes but the boy wasn’t paying attention to her, “What’s on your mind?”

Harry opened his mouth to say something but he got cut off when Ron sat next to him, big dark circles under his eyes.

“I hate Potions. I hate Potions so much that if I could go back in time to kill whoever invented the subject- I would, no doubts.”

Hermione raised an eyebrow, “Well, that’s what you get after you were mean to Crookshanks last night, no help coming from me.”

Harry giggled a little, looking at his two friends. Not even a war could change who they were as people.

“It’s a cat, Hermione.”

“Well, he’s certainly smarter than you sometimes.”

Ron snorted, but still smiled a little after doing it, “Thank you for that, girlfriend.”

Hermione blushed, ignoring the now amused Ronald Weasley that was watching her expression with too much interest, “You were going to say something, Harry. What was it?”

“Nothing important.”

“Well, it has to be since,” she spoke in her most reprimanding tone possible, “I was talking to you about this assignment we have to do in Defense Against the Dark Arts. and it’s very important.”

“For the start of the year, they are really pushing us, huh?” Harry rolled his eyes, “What is it about?”

“Weren’t you paying attention to the last class?”

Harry tried to remember. The only thing he retained for that class was how closer Malfoy was sitting from him and that he smelled really good, like lemons and something fresh.

“Not really.”

“And why is that?”

“Harry’s got a little crush,” claimed Ginny, who appeared out of nowhere, claiming her place next to Hermione, “It’s pretty evident.” 

Harry felt his body tensing and suddenly his two best friends were staring at him with suggesting looks, waiting for an answer. He couldn’t give it to them as if it were nothing- lying wasn’t an option either since they knew he was a pretty bad liar when it came to his personal life and interests. It was the first time he was head over heels with someone after spending so much time of his life trying to save the whole wizarding world and not thinking about what he wanted. 

It was such a weird feeling. 

“Well, hello to you too, Ginny,” he spoke, trying to redirect the attention, “I didn’t know you were having breakfast with us today.”

The girl rolled her eyes and hit playfully one of Harry’s arms, a smirk appearing on her lips, “Oh, c’mon, do not play the fool. I can read you like an open book.”

Harry felt himself blushing, but he couldn’t deny that Ginny was in fact, saying the truth. They tried to have a thing for a while and even if it did work out, they decided they were better off as friends. Soon, Ginny discovered she had a crush on Luna Lovegood and time later, Harry noticed his attraction to Draco Malfoy. Ginny’s situation was a little bit easier considering she wasn’t enemies with Luna before all the stuff that happened. People wouldn’t be too shocked to see them together or if the Ravenclaw reciprocated her feelings.

“So you know who is Harry’s crush, Ginny?” Asked Ron, one of his hands on his chest, “I thought we were your best friends, Harry. And you told my sister first?”

Harry wanted to slam his head against the table since the topic had arrived in the conversation, “I don’t have a crush,” he assured, “And if I did I wouldn’t tell Ginny.”

The girl stuck out her tongue in a mocking gesture, “Oh, but you do have a crush.”

Hermione (who had been looking at Harry since he started to act more and more nervous) hit the table gently, drawing the attention to her, “Harry, if you do. You don’t have to tell us who it is, but…” she laughed softly, “remember you are a terrible liar.”

After she spoke, no one else said something. Harry just wished that the earth could swallow him so he could escape the conversation, but just standing up and leaving the Great Hall when it was at its fullest looked too suspicious, and the thing he wanted to evade the most was people staring at him.

“Fine,” he mumbled, “I do have a crush on someone, happy?”

Ginny nodded furiously with the brightest grin on her face, while Hermione and Ron just seemed surprised, of course, they were acting. They were trying to make their friend feel more comfortable, but it was crystal clear they believed it before Harry said it was the truth.

Harry glanced at the blond boy that was sitting alone at what used to be the Slytherin table (because now everyone could sit wherever they wanted) and thanked every spiritual being he could think of that he wasn’t looking at their table. If he did, Harry would die right there without having time to react.

“So… any clues on the lucky person?”

“Ginny,” Ron scolded her, “don’t make Harry more uncomfortable.”

“I just think he deserves to be happy after so much shit,” she excused herself, an apologetic smile decorating her face full of freckles. Ron frowned when he heard her say a bad word “I’m sorry, Harry.”

Harry accepted the apologies, nodding, “Don’t worry. Just… don’t make a big deal out of this. I don’t have a chance.”

Ron acted confused, “But you are Harry Potter! You are practically a legend! who wouldn’t like to be with you?”

“The war ended. I’m just… Harry. I don’t have anything special besides this dumb scar.” 

Hermione took her special edition of The Ministry of Magic; A guide and smacked Harry on the head with it, making a soft thump sound. He was about to complain when she shut him off with her finger.

“Harry, you’re a lot more than that. You’re amazing at Quidditch! you’re also very good at defensive spells. You’re creative, brave and a good leader.”

“Yeah,” agreed Ron, “you’re also an extremely caring friend and fun company to be around, I always have fun when I’m with you.”

“And if you were insecure,” Ginny was the last to say something, “You’re a very good boyfriend. Very pleasant kisses.”

“Ginny!”

“What? Sometimes people are insecure about their kissing skills.”

Harry chuckled to hide the fact he was becoming as red as a tomato, “Thank you,” he scratched his neck, “I guess.”

“Is that enough for you to feel like you have a chance?”

Harry noticed the knots on his stomach one more time, but they felt more like an elephant stampede rather than butterflies, “Maybe.”

“Good.”  
───────────────────────────────────────

As Harry was walking down the hallways, he remembered the conversation he had with his friends two weeks ago. They did have some good points- he wasn't that bad. And really, everything could happen, he didn't expect Ron and Hermione to be together, but they were. He also didn't expect for Ginny to get in a relationship with Luna in the two weeks that had passed, but she did.

Maybe… he just had to wait for the right opportunity to take.

And the destiny was totally in his favour (or against him, it depends) when he collided with the person that was owning his thoughts. The one and only, Draco Malfoy.

“Be more careful next time, Potter,” he said, not as harsh as Harry expected the answer to sound, it actually sounded gentle “also, your wand fell.”

Harry quickly put himself back together and muttered a low Thanks while picking up his wand. Draco was still standing there, watching him. 

Was he waiting for something? thought Harry, Maybe this the chance I have been expecting all this time.

“Malfoy?”

Draco arched an eyebrow, “Potter?”

“Would you like to study with me for the Defense Against the Dark Arts exam?”

The question that flew on the air caught Draco with his guards down. He tilted his head a little as if he was asking if that was a joke or the boy was talking seriously to him. It was awkward, and Harry was ready to apologize and go running to hide in the bathrooms at any moment. 

“That would be… nice,” Draco answered, still sounding unsure, “but why me?”

“Why...not?” Responded Harry, confused.

Draco laughed, his head going back with it. It was the first time Harry had seen him laugh since the war, and he loved it so much he wanted to push him against the wall and steal his air in the most desperate kiss ever.

“You're really funny without noticing, Potter” Draco said while viewing outside the castle, “What do you think about working outside?”

───────────────────────────────────────

Since that day, Harry could say he and Draco were...friends, to say something. They started sitting right next to each other in all the classes they had in common, sometimes escaping the Great Hall to eat outside or going to the library to read those huge books the professors gave them. Needless to say, most of the teachers were glad that the boys had a beautiful relationship compared to how they used to treat each other before. 

The most fun thing to do with Draco was sitting under the big tree that was growing in front of the Black Lake, working on their homework and then talking about whatever they were thinking. 

Sometimes Draco would rant about how funny was the fact that the only spell Harry always used was Expelliarmus, and Harry would laugh about the fact that Draco used to come to school on a suit (that he looked very good in but Harry wasn’t going to say that out loud yet).

“Seriously, Potter, why did we hate each other so much when we were younger?”

Harry smiled at him, and for one second he was sure he saw Draco's face getting subtly red.

“I don’t know. You were kind of annoying. I was also annoying.”

Draco nodded, “True, but you had the right to be. You were new to the wizarding world and everyone was expecting you to be the greatest wizard in the whole universe. That’s a lot of pressure.”

Harry kept the silence for a minute, admiring the views that Hogwarts offered. It felt like home, this school was his home- and he had to leave it after this year. Everyone felt nostalgic after spending most of your time in a place and then leaving it, but there was so much more to it. Harry lived his most life-changing experiences there, he met the people that filled his heart.

He met Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville, Luna, Remus, Professor McGonagall…

He met Draco, the boy that was sitting next to him whose hair was shining down the sunlight. 

“Yeah. I guess it was,” he agreed with a whisper, “But you didn’t have it easy either.”  
Draco looked down stiff but hummed from Harry to continue what he was saying.

“I hope you don’t… blame yourself for everything that happened, Draco. Because I don’t blame you. You were a child, you just were trying to do what was best for your family and your pride. And I did the same.”

When Harry realized he said Draco's name, he coughed to hide his sudden embarrassment. It came to him as something natural to say, but he didn’t know if Draco felt the same sensation. 

Draco took a rock that was nearby and threw it into the lake, watching it disappear into the distance, “Thank you… Harry,” Harry grinned when hearing his name, and he was sure that now the blond boy was blushing hard because of the intimate moment they were having. 

Could it mean something?

“Any more words of wisdom coming from you, Harry?”

Harry accommodated himself better, moving a little bit closer to Draco. He didn’t try to move away, instead, he leaned a bit on Harry. Their shoulders were touching and their hands were dancing near each other, doubtful and nervous.

“Can I...?”

Draco nodded and that was enough for Harry to grab his hand, intertwining their fingers slowly. Draco squeezed softly as a response and they felt the wonderful emotion of knowing that something greater was about to come. They had found that place where they felt comfortable, where they felt like they fitted for the first time in so many years.

It felt natural.

“I...I do have more words of wisdom.” Harry broke the silence, screaming internally because he was holding hands with Draco Malfoy.

“Care enough to share them?”

“Somebody once told me that we've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on.”

“Sounds like someone really wise told you these words.” 

“Yes, it was someone very wise.”

Draco smiled and rested his head on Harry's shoulder, the cold breeze coming from the lake made them shiver, but it didn't matter because both of them were genuinely happy after so much suffering. After so many sacrifices, being in love or enjoying someone’s company was a silly thought. 

But silliness couldn’t feel better.

“This is nice.”

“It is…” Harry commented, his impulsive and nervous personality gaining against his composure, “I’m sorry if my hand sweats.”

Draco giggled and Harry knew that he would embarrass himself a hundred times just to hear that laugh.

───────────────────────────────────────

After that day, everyone would’ve expected that they had become even closer, but the thing is- Harry was extremely oblivious, and he didn’t notice that after one week of meeting every day and holding hands, Draco could be expecting something more.

But was he?

Clearly, they had something going on, but it didn’t have a name. Harry knew from the first day that he wanted to leave everything in the past and start again his story with the Malfoy, but was Draco on the same page? sometimes he would lay down next to Harry and laugh at funny clouds, or even play with Harry’s hair when he was falling asleep after a difficult match of Quidditch. All the signals could be read as something evident- but were they ready to take another step...?

“Harry!” Hermione called him, running to keep up his pace, “Merlin, you’re fast. Where are you going?”

Ah, yes. Harry hadn’t talked about the crush thing with his friends since the first breakfast in the Great Hall. He was sure Ginny had seen him walking with Draco one or two times, but Ron and Hermione just received the I have things to do explanation and Harry would then leave. After one week or two, it was okay, but a whole month had almost passed and they didn’t have any idea of what Harry was doing in his free time, they respected his privacy, but it was becoming weird not to see that much as they were used to.

“I’m going to the Black Lake… why?”

“Oh, great! I’m going too, I miss spending time with you.”

Harry stopped walking, his hands shyly gestured to Hermione to stop too, she did, a confused expression standing out on her face.

“Hermione… I would prefer to go alone, okay?”

“...Are you mad at me and Ron? Because I promise you we won’t fight that much if you come back and spend time with us. We are worried about you.”

Of all the things Harry expected to hear, that was the last one he thought of. Mad at friends? He could see Hermione was troubled about the whole thing, she was acting uneasy and insecure, the total opposite of her whole persona.

“What? No, I’m not mad at you or Ron.”

“Really?” 

“Yes, really. Now…” he pulled her aside, “It’s… I should have told you before, I’m sorry.”

“What's going on, Harry?”

He breathed, trying to come up with a summary of everything that had happened, “Remember the conversation about my crush that we had on the first day? well, I’m… making some progress with that person, okay? we have been meeting these days and It’s going really well.”

“Oh, Harry,” Hermione left her books on the ground to jump a little and hug her friend, scaring him a little bit on the process, “I’m sorry for making assumptions. And I’m really proud you’re chasing what you want!...but Ginny told us she has seen you with Malfoy a lot.”

….

“Oh.”

Harry was about to turn back and run to the Black Lake when Hermione grabbed his wrist, narrowed eyes scanning Harry, “Your crush is…. Malfoy?”

“Yes…..?” Answered Harry, not knowing if Hermione’s expression was good or bad, “I’m sorry if that bothers you, ’Mione.”

“It’s… surprising. And I'm sure is going to take Ron by surprise too when he finds out. But people can change, and if he makes you feel happy. I’m all about it.”

“You sound like a mother.”

“Go to your date before I hex you,” she elbowed him playfully, “and tell….Draco, that I’m sorry for punching him a few years ago. But he deserved it.”

“Yeah, he did,” Harry laughed, but nodded anyway, “I’ll tell him.”

───────────────────────────────────────

When Harry finally reached the spot where Draco was supposed to be waiting for him, it caught him by surprise the fact he wasn't. Instead, some students were laughing under the tree, throwing rocks at the Lake.

Where could have Draco gone?

“Hey, Potter,” one of the guys called him, and Harry rolled his eyes because he knew he was one of the main assholes in his same year, “We were waiting for you.”

“For me?” Harry looked around, noticing that everything felt a little bit...fishy, “Why?”

“Oh, well,” one of the girls crossed her arms, “Rumor has it you have been spending a lot of time with Draco Malfoy.”

“...What?” 

“We have seen you.”

Certainly, Harry didn't expect them to know. He and Draco had tried everything to be subtle, just because they knew not everyone would be happy about them getting along better. But why did these people care?

“Okay… And why is that any of your business?” Harry hissed, his right hand searching for his wand.

“I thought after saving the whole Wizarding World you'll be smarter, Potter. He's a Death-Eater, remember?”

“I remember. But he isn't one anymore.”

“Once a Death-Eater always a Death-Eater,” Harry could swear he saw a strange mark sticking out the guy's arm, “Did you forget that?”

“People can change.”

“Yeah, I guess they can. But didn't that asshole try to kill you?”

Harry snapped, “Don't call him that!”

All of the group laughed, taunting their pockets for their wands. Harry didn't want to fight anymore after the war, but they were surely testing him. 

“Let's do this the…. muggle way, shall we? You were raised by them, maybe it's more comfortable for you.”

And before Harry could distract them and run, the biggest guy in the group pounced against him, falling both of them to the ground without a second to lose. Harry was trying to get up but it was hard when that person was two times his size and had also more muscle than him. The guy didn't have to waste much time until his fist crashed into Harry's face, who even with his nose bleeding was thankful that his glasses had fallen when they touched the ground.

The rest of the group stopped cheering when a voice a few meters again shouted: “Stupefy!”

Harry managed to see Draco's silhouette casting the spell before the guy on top of him flew and fell unconscious next to him, his friends staring at his motionless body with surprise. Draco was getting closer, and with each step he took the students acted more and more anxious, deciding at the end to run in different directions to escape from the cold gaze the boy was giving them. 

“Are you okay… Harry?”  
Harry let out a small nod and got up carefully, observing how his shirt was getting stained by the blood that was dripping from his face, “I have to say, this is not the first time someone broke my nose, but yes, I'm okay.”

Draco released the air he was holding and arched an eyebrow to the guy laying on the ground, falling on his back probably hurt, but he didn't care to be honest, “What an asshole.”

“Couldn't agree more, but I would rather not have him in here,” Harry complained softly about the pain of his broken nose, but before healing himself he pointed his wand at the guy's chest, “Rennervate!”

The guy woke up disoriented and unstable, falling to his knees when he tried to get up. His eyes followed Harry's face and then Draco's, both of them watching him with unreadable expressions, but definitely not friendly ones.

And of course, when the guy noticed his friends had left him alone, he ran to the castle so fast that someone could have thought something was chasing him.

Draco aimed his wand at the running student, but Harry stopped him by grabbing his wrist, denying softly “It's fine.”

“It's not fine,” he mumbled, “he left you looking like a mess.”

Harry laughed but instantly winced at the pain, leaning on the tree behind him to search for support, “I'm going to break a record if my nose gets broken one more time.”

“You are stupid.”

Draco began to walk closer to Harry, but stopped himself midways, “Can I...?”

Harry looked at him confused, “Can you what...?”

“Touch you, dumbass,” Draco chuckled when he saw Harry blushing, “To heal you.”

“Oh, I mean… if you want, yes.”

And then Dracos free hand was grabbing Harry's face by his cheek, his other wand pointing at his nose, “Episkey,” the blood stopped dripping.

“Thank you… for all of that, you know, saving me from these idiots.”

“You were ready to fight back,” whispered Draco, not moving his hand even though he had finished healing the green-eyed boy, “But you didn't, why?” 

“I guess I was a little bit distracted when they attacked.”

“But that doesn't make sense,” Draco was expecting answers, but he wasn't going to get anything when Harry was looking at his lips every time he talked, “You react pretty fast to attacks.”

“Draco… Can I kiss you?”

When the question came off from Harry's lips Draco let out a little yep and almost jumped back in surprise, releasing the grip he had on his wand, “What...?”

Harry was already regretting his words after seeing the opposite reaction, so he quickly shook his head while moving his hands awkwardly, “I'm sorry! I don't know why I said that. Just forget it, okay? maybe I should go and get something from the kitchens-”

Draco pushed him against the tree (Harry couldn't deny he quite enjoyed that) and asked a new question, this time sounding more confused rather than surprised, “Did you mean to say that?” 

“Er… Yes? I have wanted to kiss you since the first day ” Harry clarified to Draco's shock, “And every time you get close to me I get nervous and I know is dumb because we were becoming very good friends but is something that was really fucking me up and-”

Draco grabbed Harry's shirt collar and pulled him into a kiss. 

If Harry thought he had any idea about kissing- all of them were destroyed when Draco kissed him. It was such an overwhelming feeling that he hummed into their mouths, grasping Draco's shoulders. As they deepened the kiss, Harry felt how his eyes were becoming watery at the sensation of the cold hands holding him caressing his face. 

He was happy. 

After what it was a very magical moment they both cut the kiss, breathing heavily.

“Should I have asked before doing that?  
“Just do it next time if you don’t want me to die from a heart attack.”

“Oh, so there will be a next time, Potter?”

“Shut up and kiss me, Malfoy.”


End file.
